What does Christmas mean to you?

I'm sure you all remember Steve Martin's Christmas wish on SNL years ago (that all the children of the world would join hands and sing, etc.), but have you ever heard this? I hadn't, until just yesterday.

The Almighty Betamax

If this isn't a Man's Couch Christmas...well... nothing is.

Enjoy!

http://betamaxmas.com/

~Skooch

I want to be friends with this guy

Christmas in China?

Ahoy from my favorite city in the world, Beijing. I come here about four times a year on business, and this time was a spur of the moment thing, as I flew for 14 hours to have two days of meetings and fly back, so I am using my last day to do something productive: Christmas Shopping! Skutch's Squeeze recently got to experience this magical place as part of her standard Olympic activities, and knows exactly what I mean when I say that I never get tired of this city. The afore-mentioned world-uniting games have had an amazing affect on this city and its people, and as much as I have had an affinity for all that they are, I love them even more now.

Although, I think the recent economic panic is hitting things at the most base level here in the city. As odd as it is to walk down the thoroughfare in Mao's shining Buddhist pearl and see Christmas lights twinkling everywhere, it is even more disturbing to be propositioned by young girls asking if I want "..girley massagey or sex" a record six times in less than a mile on an evening with 0-degree wind chill. Usually my little walk to the Silk Street will feature one proposition (last time I was here one rolled up to a German colleague and I riding a bike!) But 6 times? It makes me so sad for these poor, beautiful girls who think their only means of living is pleasing fat Australian businessmen for, and I quote, "...cheap money, no probrem!"

On the lighter side, I am glad to see that the 'Couch is in full Yule-tide swing. Every time I listen to "The Charley Brown Christmas" album by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, I always think of hanging with Skutch at the Man's Pad in Murray. Good times. I fly back today, and fully look forward to rocking with y'all in the City of Salt. Peace on Earth, and Good Will to All!

Skooch Holiday Music

Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year but mostly for the lights and the eggnog. Lots of eggnog... anyway, here is my contribution to the Man's Couch Holiday experience (in no particular order):



Jingle Bells as sung by Lena Horn.

Find it on the Ultra Lounge Christmas Cocktails 2 collection. Few women in the world can sing it like this and get away with it. (Dudes are out-right!) Honorable mention in the Jingle Bells division: Lisa Loeb (she's dreamy!)




Santa's Beard by They Might Be Giants.

Not a traditional holiday song, and not really even about Santa. God bless They Might Be Giants!




Oi! To The World by No Doubt.

"If God came down on Christmas day/I now exactly what he'd say/Oi! to the Punks/Oi! to the Skins/But Oi! to the world and everybody wins!"





The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen by Bob Rivers

The 12 Pains of Christmas is fun, but sort of obvious. This one sneaks up on you when you think you're safe.





Winter Wonderland by Johnny Mathis.

Can't help it, it's just not Christmas until I've heard this song come out of the stereo at home. Johnny Mathis is the King of smooth Christmas!







EDIT:



Bittersweet Eve by Belsana

This is the perfect song to bring back (or keep burning) that New Year's Eve angst we all know and love. It's actually a really good tune and I think the lyrics are clever. So There.





My usual Christmas listening involves a mix tape I made called ChrisMix. These songs are all on it and namy, many more. If we are able to hold the Man's Couch Christmas it will be heard.




Enjoy! Oh, and pass the eggnog!

Need gift ideas?

You've come to the right place. This is your one-stop Christmas shopping experience!

Banana Bunkers. Keep your bananas safe!

Hillary Clinton Bowl Scrubber. I'd be afraid to take her out of the package, for fear she'd kill me.

The Fizz Cup. I'm really not sure what this is supposed to be, really. But it looks sorta cool.

Sleeping Bags for Airplanes. Because it wouldn't be creepy to sit next to someone who was using one of these at all.

Paper Towel Cutter. I think this is a clever idea. Y'know, until you slice off your little finger with it.

Playing the Market. This is a CD of "music" made from sounds from the stock market. Apparently, this is what they were all doing while the economy was spiraling the drain.

Couldn't resist this one...

Had to post this too..it is short, but so Time Life-esque I had to laugh.

From a Fanilow

Could This Be Magic? I THINK SO!!

Hi boys-

After a DELIGHTFUL mini-Man's Couch reunion, I am now in the thriving rainbow metropolis of San Francisco. Reading all the Rick Astley commentary led me to post the above performance....and yes, this is a new track from Barry's latest. I now have confirmation that Barry and I share a connection since his 80's covers CD includes "Careless Whisper." Dean-o--have you found any Mash-ups that include Barry? Just a thought for your next compilation!

I do have a bit of a rant...or at least a bit of weirdness from home. So my baby sister, Lindsey, and I are chatting about her upcoming graduation from good old high school. The topic of class songs comes up and I ask her if they have picked one. She says, "Yes, and I think you might know it." I am hoping that I do since I don't follow everything as closely as I used to. But no worries, because they have chosen "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey as their song!! Now, I have no issues with the song..in fact I pretty much love everything Journey did and sing this regularly at Karaoke. However, this was put out like a billion years ago....is there no one out now writing great class songs? I mean, hasn't Fall Out Boy or All-American Rejects put out something? Or one of the many American Idol Pop Stars? Or maybe I should take comfort that this generation recognizes the greatness that was the 80's? I actually wish this had been my class song...we had a run off between U2's "Pride" and Motely Crue's "Changes" and Motely Crue won......

I would also like to second Mr. Fargo's love for the British group, McFly...who I love but I'm sure you are not surprised by Lovey loving all things British. I have actually been on a kick of British ladies vocal power lately but I am transitioning into my "Last Christmas" marathon. More later...

I hate "Christmas Shoes"

It's the worst song ever. It really is. I don't know anyone who will cop to liking that song, and yet, it's apparently the number one requested song this time of year. I just don't get it. Christmas songs are supposed to be happy and uplifting and fun, am I wrong? Songs about Santa, sleigh bells, and walking in winter wonderlands. That sort of thing.

But this "Christmas Shoes" song... Oh man.

Will someone explain to me how the real meaning of Christmas is best conveyed by a little kid who wants to buy some shoes for his dying mom? What, exactly, is the message being presented here? Seems to me that it's one of two things. Either it's A) that consumerism has become so paramount in our society that this kid feels the need to get that last minute gift, rather than y'know... being at home with his dying mom, or B) you can't get into Heaven unless you're wearing Jesus-approved shoes. I'm not sure which message is more unsettling to me, frankly.

I firmly believe that "Christmas Shoes" is like that M. Night Shamalayn movie where the plants tell people to kill themselves, because every single time I hear that song, I have the urge to jab myself in the brain with a fork.

Folks, if we can overcome our differences and extend to one another the hand of genuine friendship; if we can come together in a common purpose to get Rosie O'Donnell off the air, surely we can all do something to stop the further propagation of this song.

I suggest that the first step is to collectively agree what the greatest Christmas song of all time is.
I nominate "Christmas in Hollis" by Run-DMC.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Christmas Music Blogs (did you know about this?)

All denizens of the Couch know of my personal perchant for all things Christmas. It is not so much the commercial aspect of it all as much as it is the nostalgia and trying to recapture it. As a kid, we had a stack of Christmas albums that my parents had collected that was nearly 3 feet high, and we played them until the vinyl turned to pulp. As of late I have become rather disenchanted with the Christmas compilations put out by third-party, Rent-a-Center record companies in an attempt to cash in on this delicious memory festt, because it is always the same recordings by the same artists over and over again. So last year I set out on a quest to recapture the some of the classic vinyl records (the more obscure the better, as you know,)of many a Christmas past. After buying a couple and digitizing them myself, I found out that there are legions of vinyl freaks out there that share the same passion, 10-fold, and have made the digitizing of classic vinyl a near cottage industry.

There are a few that I have frequented and found some AMAZING stuff, all of which have combined to make my season just that much brighter.

Check the Cool Wax
Go here RIGHT NOW and download the Brainwerks Check the Cool Wax Compilation 2: Christmas Waxx. From the very cool to the downright disgusting, it is represented. I have also downloaded several complete albums here that are great for long Holiday Drives.

A Christmas Yule Blog
Loving this one, as it is mostly in the vein of really awesome vinyl in the grand Christmas tradition of our parents. You know that smell of old records that permeates The Record Collector in Sugarhouse (is that still open?) Well you can almost smell it when you navigate to this blog.)

http://falalalala.com
Another really good one, but a little lighter on the FREE DOWNLOADS side, as this is more appreciation of older Christmas music. Some great free stuff though.

As today is DAY 2 of Christmas 2008, we have to take advantage of all this Yule Tide glee while we can. Navigate, download, share, and enjoy! Yes, I love Technology!

Let Me Remind You...

We Live In a Strange, Frightening World, Friends.

A World where you could be sitting around on a lovely Thanksgiving Morning, minding your own business, watching the Macy's Parade, and suddenly, out of nowhere, RICK FRIGGIN' ASTLEY appears out of nowhere and ushers in the funniest and most bizarrely orchestrated tie-in between half-assed children's programming and 80's nostalgia I have yet to see.

My ladies and I were watching this live and I could not stop laughing. I mean, IT DOESN'T EVEN WORK ON PAPER!!!! Who was the parade planner who's brainchild this was!?! Were a couple of schlomos just sitting around going "Well...all we got left is this crappy Nickelodeon float, we got any place to put the Has-Been?"

Watch in awe, my friends, and have a great Black Friday!

Couch Reunion

"I'm sort of an expert in Photoshop." - Michael Scott

Musicola 2008

I'm lovin' the Couch's new streamlined look! Makes me feel like I am in a board room or something! It's fun, nicely done, Cap'n Skooch!

My friends, I have been horribly remiss! Since 1995, I have been making yearly music mixes for my friends every Christmas of my favorite sounds of the year. These usually included new and obscure items I had found over the course of the previous months, a cool 80's tune, some kind of Beatle song or cover, and anything else I could find that floated my boat that year.

But, careers, relationships, and other unavoidable items at times combine to create distractions. Sad to say that there has been a lack of REALLY good music on the scene in the past couple of years; by which I mean that I have not really been looking like I used to. Oddly enough, I have been listening to a lot of old Rush and Level 42 albums lately (that, in its self, is a blog entry to consider: why do we return to the music of our youth?)

I don't want to go off on a rant or anything, but shopping for music just isn't the way it used to be. Have you seen the music department in any given Best Buy lately? Barren. Ironic that so many of the haunts that we used to scour for good music have been devoured by the infiltration of the corporate mega-mart, only to see the demise of such by Das Infobahn. For me, it used to be all about the search; to hear about some excellent -yet little-known- band and actually GO to the record store to see if MAYBE they had it. Gone are the Utopian "High Fidelity" days of hunting and collecting. These days even if you do find some cool record store to scavenge in, it is usually full of the same crap that has been floating around since the late 90's.

I have discovered one cool thing lately: all those stores that got shut down went on-line to Amazon. I am not one who likes to shop on the internet, but I have recently found some killer deals from the vendors in that arena.

Suffice it to say that I have started looking again and actually found some killer music to compile a Musicola 2008, though this one will have to encompass the finds of the last two years. I know this is not the kind of news that will shake the rafters or anything, but there are "some" that might be pretty stoked on it (I can probably count them on one hand, but I digress.)

Here are some of the records that I have been in high rotation for the last couple of years, and that made the cut:

Silverchair: Young Modern - This should be no surprise to our moderator. No longer the watered-down Australian version of Nirvana, Skooch and I discovered the band's massively over-orchestrated pop second coming about 5 years ago with their record "Dioramma". This album is so over the top that I have not stopped listening to it since it came out in 2007. It takes a couple of listens to get into, but it plays more like a concept album...with no concept. Like a work of art, or a performance piece. Got to see them play it live at the Wilturn in LA and it was one of the best shows I have ever seen.

The Pink Spiders: Sweat it Out - Power Trio makes good by listening to a lot of Marvelous 3 albums. I really like this band, and this, their latest, plays like a pageant to the would-be rock star that didn't. Stunning guitar rock with candy in its pants.

McFly: Just My Luck - No one in the USA knows who they are, but this boy-band from the UK is the biggest thing to hit Brittania since Take That! The Jellyfish influence is so heavy it makes my teeth ache. Though my English friends all make fun of me for it, I can't get enough.

The Major Labels: Aquavia - How can you go wrong when Mike Viola (of Candy Butchers-fame and the singing voice for The Wonders' Jimmy Mattingly Jr.) and pop neer-do-well Bleu get together to pay homage to 70's AM Radio? The perfection of this album is almost frightening, and you can download it for free simply by recommending it to 4 friends. I did, and I do!

My Chemical Romance: The Black Parade - Speaking of concept albums, this one about ripped my head off. I would not listen to this record for the same reason y'all probably haven't: its what the pastey emo kids with their overly-tight trousers and their pasted-down bangs are listening to. When I got around to checking it out and ingnored the title track, the rest of the album's Queen-thievery kicked me in the head and actually kinda pissed me off that I had not written it.

Office: A Night at the Ritz - Think The Scissor Sisters, but not quite so gay and sugary. This Chicago band was a Free Download of the Week on Itunes, and I had to pull it just to see if it was Michael Scott singing "Total Eclipse of the Fart". It ended up being something pretty spectacular.



Klaus Nomi: Encore - Normally you wouldn't associate the tones of a New Wave gender-confused German contra-tenor with the likes of me, but I have to confess, I have been listening to it and its musical merit it starting to outweigh the kitsch factor. IRS records' amazing 1982 concert film "URGH! A Music War" featured this performance by this....guy?...and it made me so confused and repulsed that I had to check out the recent documentary "The Nomi Song" to get the full picture. Honestly, it grows on you.

Ludo: You're Awful, I Love You - More mid-West guitar pop that gets really good when you listen to it the second or third time.

Plain White T's: Big Bad World - Their last record was much better, but this one is pretty good too!

The rest will have to wait for another post, or simply wait until Christmas and you can hear for yourself!

Everything Is Negotiable

We've had some changes at my "Wealth Distribution Employment Opportunity". There have been 2 new office positions created. One for a new sales manager. One for the occupant of this cubicle.





This is not a prop. Look closely at the picture. This thing is a real door frame with 2x4's and is bolted to the sides of the cubicle! The doornob has a key lock on it.

Let this be a lesson to you - if you don't get what you want, there are alternatives...

I prefer to be disappointed in the order George Lucas intended

I realize I haven't talked much (read: at all) about our trip to the greater L.A. area a couple of weeks ago, and for that I apologize. Rest assured your pleas for stories and information have not fallen on deaf ears.

One of the coolest things we did (aside from going to Disneyland) was to go to the Warner Brothers studio. We took the tour (which beats Universal's by a country mile), and we managed to finagle our way in to see a live taping of an episode of one of my favorite new shows, The Big Bang Theory.

Being part of a "live studio audience" gave me a whole new appreciation for the four-camera sitcom, and the amount of work that goes into it. We were there for over three and a half hours to film a 22 minute episode.

Anyway, the episode we saw being filmed, "The Lizard-Spock Expansion," aired last night. As surreal as it was to be in the audience, it was even more surreal to see it on TV last night. And yes, that's us you can hear laughing in the background. Well, Natalie, anyway. (Seriously, there's one moment where we heard her laugh standing out from everyone else's. At least, we choose to believe it's her. Don't judge us. We have so few victories.)

I'll be happy to sign any autograph requests you may have. I'm not stingy like Ringo.

Lyin' in Bed, Just Like.........

Yeah, I haven't been around much lately. Been too buried in the mire of corporate presentation, ulcer-inducing stress, and film editing. Michael Scott may end up being grateful he was never transformed into a "Presentation Tool" because sometimes I think PowerPoint is going to kill me.

However, other than my ladies being awesome and all being well at home, there is one really cool thing that happened to me this week:



I have a really good rant saved up for posting next week. In the meantime, enjoy one of the greatest websites I have yet to see:

Sad Trombone

For so many years I was doing this with my mouth when I could have gotten it from the web (that's what she said.)

Vlad Blackout

Bart already has a rock name, but for the rest of us click the pic and you can generate your own rock name. Mine is Vlad Blackout (I guess Blacky Lawless is still taken).

Rock On...

100 movies spoiled all at once.

No, I'm not kidding. Don't say you haven't been warned.

Im sorry... sort of...

My obsession for Rick Astley is questionable at best...

Cool websites I've found

Y'know... in case you're looking to waste time. Apparently the internet is great for that.

The coolest t-shirts you'll ever find. They're imported from the UK, so they're not cheap, but man, oh man... me wantee.

¡ʇxǝʇ ɹnoʎ dılɟ

Social networking status generator. Dean-O is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Toast-it notes. Someone has combined my love of writing with my love of toast. Finally.

Graphjam. Music and pop culture, written out as, well, graphs. Think LOLcats, but without the cats. And the LOL.

It keeps getting funnier...

You may have noticed that The Bloggess is one of our Man's Couch Recommends sites. Her post from yesterday is about 10 reasons why. Take a gander if you get a minute, but be warned, she curses like a sailor...

See it here

Oh Zephyr Winds Which Blow on High.....

Hi Boys-

Sorry for the delay in posting. Things have been crazy here in North Carolina...as all of you have commented on the presidential race I will save my thoughts for another post but as most of you know it has been a real battleground here. I have loved all the posts and concur as usual. Loved the Obama supporter video...I'm in an office full of them.

I have a HUGE rant that I want to post later this week. In the meantime, thought all of you would love to know that I had to speak in Sacrament this week on "Overcoming Adversity" and used "Oh Mighty Isis" and "Shazaam" in my talk. I'd tell you more but I'm saving all of my talks now so I can present them in General Conference someday....or maybe Michael McLean will write a soundtrack to accompany them.

Thought all of you would enjoy a brief flashback into the world of Saturday morning...where you didn't have to worry about seeing re-runs of "The Real World." I'll be back soon!

I love The Onion

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

Bart's post from yesterday echoed vaguely familiar. I know from experience that having poo on your person that did not come from you changes your view... on alot of things. As that experience repeats itself, you will not like any more in the future than you do now. You will, however, notice other parts of your life will seem slightly more trivial in nature.

I can agree with the deep sense of uneasiness about our future. I had really hoped I wouldn't have to wake up every morning for the next few years and eat my Marxist Mini-Wheats while watching SNN (Socialist News Network). Then walk to my newly assigned "wealth distribution employment opportunity" and help my underprivileged, labor-allergic, fellow citizens to realize their dreams. But I digress...

There really is no anticipation anymore. No build up. Why show up to the movie theater three days early when I can watch it on my super deluxe home theater system before it's realeased in theaters? Why stay up late when I can watch the full vesrion of the movie (swears and all) on my iPod while I lay in bed. Why should I have to wait for anything?

It's unnerving to us because we know what it's like to sleep overnight on a sidewalk to see the best concert that will ever come to the Salt Palace. We know what it's like to have to convince our parents that staying up late to watch Solid Gold will really increase our IQ's. We know what it's like to hear about the 2nd coming and then have to wait for it, instead of downloading the "pirated" version into our cellular phone-computer thingy's. Maybe we're just older and putting that much energy into being excited about something just makes us sleepy.

I dont know how Im going to instill the sense of excitement and anticipation about anything into my kids. The 2 year old throws a fit if the Muppet Show DVD doesnt start itself over at the end. We actually have to create events, like going to the pumpkin patch to pick halloween pumpkins. That one's good for at least 2 more years...

A Night at the Movies

I woke up this morning feeling bleak. I might be able to attribute that to the fact that my daughter shot -as was once said on "The Worst Show"- LIQUID POO at me whilst a 3:00am diaper changing was commencing. Maybe it is the thought of political and economic uncertainty in the wake of a media darling occupying the most powerful seat on Earth. Is it moral bankruptcy, lost innocence, the nature of the sacred and how it is mocked by our populous? Is it because -as My Chemical Romance has so eloquently shouted- these teenagers scare the living s*** out of me, simply by their all-encompassing yearning to live like they do on The Hills? Is it the sense of entitlement our society has that is eroding all hope? Is it that my hairdresser used too much bleach in my coiffure last night, and my vain attempt at holding fast to my youth has left me looking like a pock-less Gordon Ramsey?

Or is it simply because all excitement has been kaibached from the movies we are subjected to thanks to cable TV and the over accessibility of film on DVD? See kids, back when there was no accessible media and cable was something that only Greg Funkhouser had access to because of that giant dish in his backyard, you could usually count on one of the THREE major networks blocking off a couple of hours of prime time air to show last year's great blockbuster. But it wasn't just showing a movie on TV. They would advertise it far in advance to get you prepped for it, and every show would open with some cool intro like the one above. Am I the only one that misses getting permission to stay up until 10 to watch the Network Television Premier of (fill in the name of any 70's or 80's movie here,) after anticipating its airing for weeks? Remember what it was like to fill a paper grocery bag with popcorn fresh from the hot air popper and gather with your family to watch it? It was a friggin' event! As time went on, you would even tape it and be very careful to edit out the commercials so you could move through it easier during repeated viewings! Do you remember how comical it was to watch "Arthur" in such a fashion because the network's editors obviously over-dubbed Dudley Moore saying "wash my NECK" when you knew he said something much more dirty in the real film?

Do you remember when you anticipated the release of "The Empire Strikes Back" so much that you would clip any scrap about it out of your mom's Good Housekeeping just so you could prepare yourself for it? Am I just an angry old man, spurned on by the flash-in-the-pan nature of today's infotainment-overload? Could be, but there is just nothing to look forward to any more because all of the pageantry has been taken away in lieu of more choices.

Case in point: Billy Crystal once said that cable was a sham because "....you pay 40 bucks a month and you get to see 'The Beastmaster' 53 times." It is happening more literally than he could have joked. "The Wedding Singer" has been on TV EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK on three different cable networks. I am not even kidding. It was funny once.......once.

Maybe we were just more easily entertained back in the day. Maybe I just need to put more effort into making an event out of something trivial purely for the sake of recreating that kind of feeling for my daughter.

Speaking of which, I should probably start working and stop typing this so I can do so. Sorry for the rant. Discuss......

You Must Use the Force Wisely

What a waste of a fantastic url:

Skooch.com

This One Goes to 11

I'll admit, it has been a long time since I have really focused on music. The past few years have pretty much killed my desire to seek out new and interesting music on a regular basis. Now I find myself in the "what happened to the good music" camp also know as the "Remember when SNL wasn't a 90 minute Democratic National Committee campaign ad Committee." But I digress.

As per a request from Lovey, I managed to compile a short list of new and/or semi-new music I listen to pretty much exclusively lately.

In no particular order they are:

Open Hand ,You and me - their last album was released in 2005, I found it early 2006 and it hasn't left my car since. Driving rock with strong Melody but kind of dark like Queens of the Stone Age meets the Mamas and the Papas.

Silversun Pick Ups, Carnavas - You have probably heard "Lazy Eye". The album reflects that style throughout. More driving guitars and some darkness (are you catching onto a theme here?) but it comes off sort of sunny... much like the Nightmare Before Christmas.

The Color Fred , Bend to Break - no kidding, i found this one today. I'm going to buy it on the way home from work. It's a little more upbeat than what I'm used to but it's catchy. I'm too old to go to see these kinds of bands in concert as Security will usually point me to the parents waiting room on the way in but I can rock it in the car for sure. Fred was the guitarist for Taking Back Sunday, and it sounds alot like Dashboard Confessional without all the 14 year old girls screaming the lyrics behind you.

Band of Horses, Cease to Begin - I came across these guys by accident. They have a song called "The Great Salt Lake" that I couldn't get enough of when I heard it. I'd recommend either of their albums, but Cease to Begin is the better of the two. The lead singer's voice may take some getting used to... give it a couple of listens and I think it'll grow on you. Listen to "Is There a Ghost", then "no One's Ever Gonna Love You" (but don't watch the videos, they're dumb).


That's pretty much my library right now except a couple of mix tapes I made like 4 years ago and Drew's Halloween Party Songs for Kids. So you can imagine how excited I will be when the rest of you have recommendations for all of us!

PS - I did attend a concert recently where I heard some fantastic new music in the beautiful settings of the largest man made waterfall west of the Mississippi. And I am anxiously awaiting their arrival in CD or MP3 formats (I'm looking at you Bart Fargo...)

Anyhoo, discuss....

The Greatest Story Ever Told

I am not sure if any of you have ever seen this, but it is exactly the kind of fodder that would have been guaranteed a full evening at the 'Couch even in the most sour of times.

Can anyone imagine a greater movie viewing experience than this? A full-length, feature film starring Evel Knievel ABOUT Evel Knievel where-in Evel Knievel jumps over fire, pops wheelies, melts an icy feminist with his rough-n-tumble yet smooth charm, dries up his drunken bike tech and reunites him with his estranged son, foils a plot to smuggle drugs from Mexico, brings toys to orphaned children, spreads his message of love and goodwill to all men from the banks of the Mississippi to the markets of Tijuana, and does everything else short of parting the Red Sea and delivering the Children of Israel from captivity. Does it get any better?

IT DOES! Because not only do you get Evel, EVEL, EVEL!!!! for two straight hours, but an all-star supporting cast that includes a pre-Xanadu Gene Kelly as the hooch-guzzling mechanic, Lauren Hutton as the journalist who's heart he wins, Marjoe Gortner as the young punk trying to steal Evel's thunder, Leslie Nielson as the drug lord trying to use Evel's rig as a Mexican drug mule, Cameron "the guy who was Commander Santa Clause in Space Mutiny" Mitchell as one of the drug lord's henchman, and Red Buttons as a crooked promoter trying to skim from the top of Evel's draw.

Honestly, a motion picture this perfect almost recalls the bliss one might feel watching the Chuck Norris trucking/karate/saga "Breaker Breaker", or even, dare I say it, "Convoy" starring Kris Kristoferson. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wish you never threw away that cool Evel Knievel motorcycle toy that was so cool in the 70's.

It IS available through NetFlix, but why only rent it when you can relive it over and over again by purchasing it? I can guarantee, it will be the best 10 bucks you ever spent.

The Dude is not in...

Leave a message...

*beep*

Minimal Effort. Maximum Results

I'm feeling like I'm neglecting the couch a bit - no posts in a few days - so here's a bone I guess. These are fairly entertaining when they make an effort.

Dundies All Star

Secret Agent Michael Scarn came by and dropped off something special for m'lady. Thought you might appreciate this. Now I know she won't hang herself out of lack of recognition.

Great Success!!!

Water Broken, Baby Coming!

I'll keep you posted!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohh! Shiny things!

I love kinetic typography.

Bet you weren't expecting me to say THAT sentence, were you?




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Say, That Reminds Me...

Today's earlier post reminded me of my all-time favorite cover band...

LEZ ZEPPLIN!!!



See more here


Man's Couch is a community. If you are interested in becoming a member or a guest contributor feel free to contact us directly!!

This is why the interwebs were created

Well, except for all the naked stuff.



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Man's Couch is a community. If you are interested in becoming a member or a guest contributor feel free to contact us directly!!

Count Me In on McCain!!!

Since the last post was about drummers, I thought I would throw this into the ring. The great Terry Bozzio sent this piece of film to my buddy Victor, who sent it over to me this morning. SHAZAM! Just goes to show you that all you need for killer chops is a couple of years in a Viet Kong torture camp. You gotta know that if he can play like this, Palin must have amazing bass-slapping skills!

You're Being Very Unnnduuude...

From Wired.com

Ringo Starr Is Officially Over Fan Mail and Autograph Requests
By Eliot Van Buskirk October 14, 2008 | 9:44:32

Underrated Beatles drummer Ringo Starr has finally had it with reams of fan mail and heaps of objects that are apparently still being sent to him to be signed, 45 years after the first signs of Beatlemania appeared in the population.

From the tone of the video uploaded to his site, it's a wonder he's been such a sport about it up until now, especially since some of that stuff is no doubt being sold on eBay by professional autograph seekers.

"This is a serious message to everybody watching my update right now," intones Starr in the short video. "Peace and love, peace and love. I want to tell you, please, after the 20th of October, do not send fan mail to any address that you have.

"Nothing will be signed... I'm warning you with peace and love, but I have too much to do, so no more fan mail, thank you, thank you, and no objects to be signed, nothing. Anyway, peace and love, peace and love."

You can officially forget about sending memorabilia for Ringo to sign, but that's not because he's severing ties with the outside world -- most likely, his signing hand is just finally cramping up. Starr is currently accepting entries for a photo contest, with the subject being his latest tour.

The winner will receive an autographed Ringo Starr drum head.



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Eastbound and Down

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Hello MC from LA. I am blogging from Century City-- where I can re-live my dream of being Laura Holt from "Remington Steele." Can't believe I'm actually blogging while on the road...Scottie- What have you done to me??

Well, today was unbelievable and I just needed to share what happened with the couch.

I had a meeting this morning with a gentleman from Paramount Studios. His father used to attend Duke Law and this gentleman wants to make a gift in honor of his father. The Dean had asked me to follow-up with him. All I really knew going into the meeting was that he produced "Bull Durham"-- and since I think I am the token sports fan of the couch some of you may not have seen this but it is definitely one of the best sports movies of all time. It was filmed in my new hometown of Durham and is well-loved here.

We start chatting about movies, etc and he tells me that he was the head of Universal Studios at the age of 26 and produced the following films:

Animal House
Scarface
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Monty Python's Meaning of Life
Coal Miner's Daughter
Can't Buy Me Love
The Breakfast Club

and yes,.....SMOKEY And the BANDIT!!! I about fell out of my chair. He talked about how important Jerry Reed's song was for the whole film and how he intentionally released it early (which I guess you didn't do in Hollywood at the time). It was totally fascinating and all I could think about was letting the MC know. I feel like I'm in some sort of Man's Couch Vortex (not the club/cages)...it's like everywhere I turn I'm either seeing flashes of the past or things I can't wait to share in the present. IT ROCKS!!






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You aren't going to believe this, couch...

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That's what she said- Star Wars edition

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So, I am sitting on the John, reading the Spring+Summer 2008 edition of "New Parent" Magazine, trying to read up on what is going to be expected of me as the due date for my daughter looms near. I turn the page and I see this ad for pregnancy portraits. Instantly the MST3K portion of my brain kicks in and I say "Hey, that guy looks just like Scooch!" I look again, and think, wait a minute, that looks just like Jamie! I look again, and realize.....IT IS SCOOCH AND JAMIE!!!! I run down stairs to show the muse and we both have a hearty WTF moment and chuckle. I scanned it so you could see for yourself!

Now, I understand that the Man's Couch is normally a forum for the more obscure, random, and hilarious. But after all, it is called THE MAN'S COUCH. What could be more of a show of one's masculinity than embracing Fatherhood and being a supportive EC to the poor unfortunate woman who decided to take you on? I for one applaud our humble moderator for laying aside his inner-Homer Simpson to not only step up to the paternal plate, but broadcast to the world that he is doing so.

The men of this Couch are a rare breed. None of us are the smelly T-shirt variety guy that hangs out at corner pubs called "Jimmy's 331", watches football to excess, calls his wife "my old lady", tries to hide his penile insecurity from the world by cursing, driving a large truck, and watchin' porno, and would rather be in the company of other dudes eating chicken wings from a can than with their families. No, the men of this 'Couch (as well as our honorary male compadre that happens to be female,) could more easily wax on about the films of Coleman Francis and the musical genius that IS Leo Sayer than give one opening line-up of any major sports team, ant that's the way we like it. An important credo of the couch was always "Ho's before Bro's", and I will forever be the first one to say I love my ho even mo every day!

Now, let's all get hopped up on Red Bull and play ping pong while we try to belch the alphabet!
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Oh Caaaaanadaaaa!

So take off, eh?
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So many social engagememts, so little time...

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Man's Couch Music

Truly, I have not spent much time with sites like YouTube. Until now I've just had better things to do. So if you have already experienced the awesomeness of literal video I apologize.





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Stuff Man's Couch Liked: #2 MST

So...MST. I have now joined the vast throngs of people who love NetFlix and have discovered a plethora of MST's out there that I have never seen. I am expecting "Prince of Space" in my mailbox soon and thought I should write a brief post of thanks for all that is MST. Dean-o even sent me a message about "Angel's Revenge" which I still have on VHS and have not watched in ages. "For Lancome and Isabella Rosellini!!"

Not sure we watched a ton of MST on the Couch but for some reason I have a recollection that once I knew Dennis loved MST we would be fast friends and I think I actually met Kev at an MST viewing party at my house?

I would love it if all of you would post a few of your favorites so I can add them to my queue. I'm trying to introduce some of my friends here to their glory!



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So long... again

Word on the street that Berke Breathed, creator of Bloom County, Outland, and Opus, is set to retire once again. This time, however, it looks like it might stick.

This makes me sad.






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Disneyworld and an Ipod

Citizens of the 'Couch are no strangers to the fact that I am a certifiable, undeniable, no holds barred Disney freak; particularly when it comes to the parks. Some of my earliest memories are of my dad rummaging through the Coupon Book searching for enough E-Tickets to get my sisters and I on the Jungle Cruise as the scent of popcorn wafted through air littered with Mickey-shaped balloons. Delicious.

My muse and I did practically all our dating and courtship at Disneyland, and even honeymooned at Disneyworld. This is the first time in our marriage that we have not been in close proximity to a Park, and I am having severe symptoms of Disney Deficiency.

With this in mind, and noting that I have been more times that I can even count, I would like to share something we discovered a couple of visits ago. All you need is a One-to-Four Day Passport to The Happiest Place on Earth, two sets of headphones, a splitter, and an 80-gig Ipod.

Long lines are always shorter when you play classic games like "Disney Character 20-Questions" or "Top 5 Disney Films by Category." But after the FastPasses have run out and you are looking at a wait of over an hour, nothing beats watching "Meet The Robinsons" as you nudge slowly along through the cue. Having said that, I have ridden many of these rides enough that I know every line and turn blindfolded; so adding your own soundtrack has a way of adding a new dimension to how the ride is experienced.

We even have a play-list based on each ride, as follows:

Expedition: Everest - "Neuroliptika" by Janus (think German techno-scream-metal a-la Rammstein. Dancy speed metal is the perfect companion to a killer coaster.)

It's A Small World - "Miss Sarajevo" by U2, followed by "Common People" by William Shatner

Space Mountain - "The Party's Over" by TV Eyes, OR "Beautiful Spain" by Venus Hum, OR "I Ran" by A Flock of Seaguls

Tunder Mountain Railroad - "East-Bound and Down" by Jerry Reed (goes without saying, really.)

Pirates of the Carribean - "Whiskey in the Jar" by Metallica

Autopia - "Cars" by Gary Numan

Soarin' Over California - "Learn to Fly" by either Foo Fighters or Pink Floyd (both work well.)

The Haunted Mansion - "No One Lives Forever" by Oingo Boingo

California Screamin' - "Hot for Teacher" or "Unchained" by Van Halen

Splash Mountain - "Big Time Sensuality" by Bjork (incidentally, there is an awesome Companion Restroom just off of Splash Mountain at The Magic Kingdom at WDW that you can lock from the inside. Great for use in making it an even more magical experience for you and your -shall we say- ride partner. Conceived our daughter there.)

Be sure the volume is loud enough that it drowns out the audio from each ride, and you have animatronics singing the words with you (sometimes it is a little scary how well things sync up; almost a Wizard of Floyd kinda thing.)

Or, experiment 'till you find the right one! Try it, it's fun!

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10 Life Lessons from the Pork Chop Express

10. Oh, gosh. Cash I guess. I mean, it's not deductable, is it?

9. Play your cards right, you live to talk about it.

8. Just remeber what old Jack Burton does when the earth quakes and the poison arrows fall out of the sky and the pillars of heaven shake. Jack Burton just looks that big 'ol storm in the eye and says "Give me your best shot, pal. I Can take it"

7. I was born ready

6. You got a tongue, Dave. Ask her yourself.

5. I took something. I can see things no one else can see.

4. Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yessir! The Check is in the mail!

3. It's all in the reflexes.

2. Son of a b**ch must pay!

1. Would you stop rubbing your body up against mine? Because I can't concentrate when you do that.
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Everywhere and 'round the world...

We watched "The Jazz Singer" this past weekend, it being an interesting supplement to the usual enlightenment one normally gets from watching General Conference.

After all, who among us hasn't felt ostracized by our ultra strict and orthodox Jewish father when we told him we were moving to Venice beach to record some schmaltzy middle of the road songs and have an affair with Lucille Arnaz? Which of us hasn't donned blackface to sing in a quartet called "The Four Brothers," only to get called out by a pre Ghostbusters Ernie Hudson for being a "white boy," and then starting a fist fight? And tell me you've never grown a beard and hitchiked your way across the Southwest, performing "You are my sunshine" in cowboy bars while wearing a hat that's much too small for your enormous hair?

That's right: we've all been there.

I hadn't seen this movie since I was a kid, and I must confess that I loved the soundtrack at that young age. Truth be told, there are still many of the songs that I know by heart, whether it be the anthemic "America," the mournful "Love on the Rocks," or the saccharine "Hello Again."

Seeing the film as an adult allowed me to see it in a different perspective than when I was 8. The most obvious moment was the scene where everyone parties it up at Lucille Arnaz's beachside pad, joyfully singing about "The Robert E. Lee."

First of all, this may very well be the lamest party scene ever committed to film. There's a couple of unkempt white guys with banjos, four black guys, Neil Diamond, and one woman. That doesn't even work on paper, folks. Not to mention the fact that they're singing a song whose namesake is the most famous Confederate general.

And will someone please tell me what cosmic lottery Lucille Arnaz lost that forced her to have a love scene with Neil? I mean...were the 80's really THAT hairy? I'm surprised the fire in the fireplace didn't ignite all the Aquanet and Drakkar that must have been permeating that scene.

I will say this, however: I demand that more rock stars employ the sequined pirate shirt with white scarf look. More, I say!

Stuff Man's Couch Liked: #1 Chuck Heston

Hello boys! Did you miss me? Here it is...my first post to a blog ANYWHERE and I think it highly fitting that it is for Man's Couch Revisisted. For my inaugural post, I thought I would imitate the format of two of my favorite blogs: Stuff White People Like and Stuff Mormons Like. I thought it would inspire some of us down memory lane and we could also include new items that we have grown to love as our lives have moved forward (ie The Office.)

So...I had to start with Chuck Heston. I know that Dennis and I had a moment of silence when he died, and I hugged my Planet of the Apes doll tightly as I thought of all of his amazing movies that we enjoyed on the Couch...I mean, who could forget the Furniture Girls?? Soylent Green is PEOPLE! The horrible cheesey goodness of "Earthquake" and his chest in the Planet of the Apes(oh...maybe that was just me)

So now that the Couch is back together may I humbly offer a word of thanks to Chuck Heston...long may he reign in the heart of gun-toting Americans everywhere and may he haunt Michael Moore forever!

Is that you?

Hey, remember when Dave Letterman was funny? I do!

Noble Birthright?

The folks are in town and I took them to see the Studebaker Museum in South Bend.  Loved it, and I love even more that they had the unfortunate remains of the original car that Fozzie's hibernating uncle loaned him so Kermit and he could get to Hollywood.  You know, all the music in "The Muppet Movie" is so amazing simply because it was written by Paul Williams.  Just goes to show that there is life beyond "Smokie and the Bandit."

Just got home from going to the Priesthood session of Conference with my dad (I figure that since we are all Men here, and we all know where we came from, it is safe to bring religion into this.) As much as I love Conference and am secure in my faith, sometimes you have to ask yourselves a simple question: why were so many of The Brethren raised on farms?

Don't get me wrong; I will sustain and defend till the day I die and beyond, and by no means am I making light, but was there some kind of ethic instilled in the youth of the rural farming concern of the pre-War era that inspired a boom the production of future G.A.'s? You kind of have to wonder what the Conference Talks are going to sound like when we are going to Priesthood Sessions with our sons ("One summer my father gave me the stewardship of overseeing our family's thriving dot-com and investing the proceeds into a high-yield money market account. Having recently been ordained a Deacon..." No, how about "Before our Missions, my pal Dan and I worked together at Abercrombie...")

One thing is for sure, though the attire may be right, today's Deacons might take heed from the proceedings today, otherwise they will end up like these saps:

Bloom County warned us about this! Dunno, my hotness is waiting for me and I need sleep. 

The Captain of the Couch Needs an Avatar

My new saying around the office is "Pick it up and put it in your pocket, dude!" It is a shame that our moderator has no visual identity. Put this in your pocket and make it rock.



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I'm not as creative as the rest of you dolts...

I take my job as moderator seriously... becasue Im not as creative as the rest of you. Someone's got to be the sourpuss, right? Ok not really. But in the spirit af creative theivery, enjoy:



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The first time is always a little scary

So there's the usual amount of performance anxiety associated with an inaugural post like this; the sort of "shoot, I hope I don't screw this up and look like an idiot in front of everyone" fear that is usually reserved for chainsaw jugglers, game show contestants, and the odd politician.

But then I remember who I'm talking to here, and the fear melts away like Richard Simmons' dignity during a taping of the Late Show with David Letterman. "These guys are my boys," I remind myself, "my homies, they'll understand." (Except I don't really say "homies" in my head. Even I know I can't pull off street talk, even in private.)

And yet, here I am, a full two paragraphs into this, and I still haven't decided what to say. In the absence of anything really substantial, maybe I'll just share the dream I had the other night that has caused me literally minutes' worth of reflection.

I dreamed I was directing Jurassic Park IX: Dinosaurs on Patrol, except in this version it was the dinosaurs who were real, and the humans were CGI. I was on a giant green screen stage, trying to film a scene wherein a T-Rex was to come in and eat a human. The lighting had been set, the stage was quiet, and I yelled "Action!"

The T-Rex came stomping in, right on cue, roaring and snarling and generally causing a ruckus. He stomped over to his mark, opened his mighty jaws, and was about to devour the human, when he suddenly stopped. He leaned back on his scaly haunches and shook his head.

"No, no, no," he said, talking for all the world like Michael Caine. "It's just not working. Can we cut?"

"Cut!" I yelled, and walked over to him. "What's the matter, love?" I asked. (Apparently I was British as well in this dream)

"Well, just look at it," he said, gesturing towards the 'human' he was supposed to eat. "It's not really a human, is it? I mean, it's just a bloody tennis ball on a stick!"

"Of course it is," I nodded. "That's a reference point so we can CGI in the human later."

"That's the real trick, isn't it?" He huffed, attempting to light a cigarette with his tiny, misshapen forearms. "You're not giving me too bloody much to work with here, are you?" He flailed his arms about, indicating the green screen set, and scattering ashes here and there.

"You're supposed to be an actor," I said, "use your imagination."

He turned to the makeup girl, who had appeared to remove the sheen on his forehead. "Use your imagination, he says," he laughed. "Can you believe this?"

The makeup girl wisely kept quiet. The T-Rex turned back to me.

"Look, mate, I've worked with DeNiro AND Pacino, so don't presume to tell ME how to bloody well act!" He grunted angrily and stomped off to his trailer.

I woke up shortly thereafter. I remember feeling angry that he was putting the production behind schedule and possibly over budget. Lord of the thunder lizards, perhaps, but that's no excuse to be a diva, am I right?

The Miracle of Time/Life

I friggin' love Time/Life Infomercials; particularly the ones where they are schlepping music collections of any kind using some haggard looking shell of a former superstar from the genre each represents.

You got your "Best of Country Love Songs" one with Glen Campbell, "Best Rock Ballads" with Kevin Cronin from 'Speedwagon, "70's Music Explosion" featuring Barry "Greg Brady" Williams, "Sprirt of the 60's" with Peter Fonda, and this one -my personal favorite- "Soft Rock Hits" with Air Supply. The words "I can't believe I'm here with Air Supply!!!" will forever race through my mind as something that could be both a declaration of joy or a sorrowful pining of regret, and it gets funnier every time I hear it! My wife and I got hooked on these things while channel surfing at night before bed, and it came to a point where we were addicted.

Not only do many of the songs awaken memories of my California childhood, the footage of each artist performing their tune when it was a hit is priceless, and the "stars" they have reading cue cards and trying their best to sound excited about it are so awesome! "Really, these songs remind me of driving on a smooth summer day as I head to the mall for my next gig" or "Wow, it is so amazing that Time/Life has saved us from the task of looking up all these songs on the internet and downloading them for free!" or "It's so great to hear that song again after the years have wiped it clean from my memory.....and now it's back....again....to haunt me...."

Gotta say the Soft Rock one is my fave if only because Air Supply is so collectively bad at reading their lines, and the film of overly-unattractive one-hit-wonders like Benny Mardones, Gino Vanelli, Leo Sayer, and Rupert Holmes is enough to make you yearn for the days when radio was successful of letting you hear the song rather than see the performer. Amazing.

Our obsession with these multi-song masterpieces stems from an era early in our marriage when there was a channel on LA basic cable called B-Mania (seriously, 24-hours a day of nothing but painfully bad movies? Do the words 'dream come true' mean anything to anyone?) The channel had only two sponsors and ran both commercials every 10 minutes: one for inflatable massage boots, and one for The Best of Conway Twitty. The wife and I ended up buying that one. Now we hunt the airwaves searching for anything resembling a 20-CD collection of original hits by the original artists, just for the entertainment value. I guess you can never have too many collections featuring hits by the Bay City Rollers on them. Luckily, most of them do.

It All Started on Caprica

From the muddy banks of the Wabash to the musty foothills of the Wasatch, it is good to be back on the 'Couch! IF there was some kind of hierarchy to the madness of the Man's Couch's Salad Days, Scutch -your moderator- was the Captain of the Couch; the Sinatra of our Rat Pack, the Tyler Duerdon of our Fight Club, the Russel Hammond of our Stillwater. It is therefor with a great sense of humility and flatulence that I accept the invitation, as the Sammy Davis Jr. to his Sinatra, to contribute to this musing of manhood and media.

In times like these it is essential to remember that it all began with the lot of us (there were 5 in the beginning,) being too loser-ey to attract real females (I had been stood up by some skank from the Avenues, Scott's lady had just left for a Mission, and Dennis and his cousins were up to their normal evening sulk.) Somehow we ended up being at the Dennis Pad at the same time, and it was suggested that an unhealthy dose of Papa John's and Coke accompany a viewing of one of the nerdiest of film selections: the original "Battlestar Galactica" pilot/movie.

Now, bear in mind, this is not the edgy version we see today (that I could totally care less about, BTW.) Starbuck was still a dude, Boomer was still black, Adama was still Pa Cartright, and Cylons were not hot blondes. No CGI, no Edward James Almos, and no overly-confusing plot lines. Just stuff blowing up, a pre-"A-Team" Dirk Benedict, overly dramatic acting, and lots of Mormon innuendo. Loved it when I was 6, still do today.

At any rate, that first fateful meeting of the minds combined to make our little "Manly Home Evening" an institution that would go on to be the stuff that legends were made of. I'm just glad that everyone else (or maybe just Scuddy,) has good memories of it too, or at least, how it began. In the end, it wandered away from its pure intentions of a bunch of guys getting together to exercise their inner (and in some cases, overly-outer,) geek by watch obscure sci-fi, imitating the Rat Pack, writing songs about girls who hate them, and eating junk food. It later got bogged down in the mire of jealousy, back-biting, too many chicks, and a midget lesbian; but by no means am I blaming all of that for the dismantling of the Man's Couch.

No, I think it disbanded simply because most of us just out-grew it; like that favorite pair of underpants or that band you used to think was so amazing. Scutch's amazingly-cool best pal introduced him to his soul-mate (and y'all who have been reading this blog know how that turned out,) Dennis -the Deano of the gang- got married and now takes photos of marriages, Brooke found love and is now MIA in Utah someplace, Kris works at some major university, and the cousins....I am pretty sure are still the cousins. As for me, I moved to LA to exercise my rock star demons and flee a relationship based on mistrust, and ended up meeting the woman of my dreams. We are 4 weeks and 10cm away from having our first child (the feminine-kind,) living in Indiana, and loving every minute of it.

But, as the faded white leather of the original couch is long gone and I am not sure what happened to that Fat Elvis tapestry that hung like a specter over every meeting, we can at least let the testosterone flow through our finger tips and muse about whatever it is that is making that lingering hint of the original Man's Couch spirit within us tingle like so much Spidey Sense, right here on this Blog, baby! Cheers be to Scott for reviving this, you can count on me to crap out whatever I can; whether it be MASH trivia or the subtleties of the films of Coleman Francis. To any who read, EXCELSIOR!!

-Fargo